Red Eye For The Traveling Guy

BY MICHAEL WATT

While growing up the idea of going on a business trip sounded like a lot of fun – what better way to see the world than by traveling on somebody else’s dime? Might as well add that one to the scrap heap of notions conceived in my youth that did not exactly pan out in adulthood, along with “I’m going to be the coolest dad in the world because I will relate to the music my kids enjoy.” (Oh, I had high hopes for that notion but man oh man who saw Rap music coming?)
It never occurred to me, for instance, that the person putting up the dime might want to part with as few dimes as possible. As a result, when I travel like I did earlier this week to San Diego for a conference related to my day job I turn into a modern day Jack Benny, looking to save money anyway I can.

One such method is to take what is known in traveling circles as the “red-eye flight” from the West Coast to the East Coast. You leave late at night from the West Coast and because of the three-hour time difference you arrive on the East Coast just as everybody else is getting up for the day, usually around six in the AM. Taking this trip saves you the cost of staying in a hotel room and a day lost to traveling.

It also tends to fry your brain, but what are you going to do.

When you take the “red-eye” in a perfect world you sleep the night away on the plane and arrive fresh and relaxed and ready to hit the pavement the following morning once you brush your teeth. Of course the perfect world only exists for the likes of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. For the rest of us the red-eye involves sitting in front of somebody with a cold who hacks and sneezes with amazing regularity during the night. Or sitting across the aisle from a petite little flower who snored the night away like she went to the Ralph Kramden School of Sleeping and graduated Magna Cum Loudly. That’s what I encountered this past Tuesday night / Wednesday morning on my way back from San Diego.

Those two did not bother me as much as the “medical emergency” during the night. The flight attendants never did explain what happened but I wouldn’t be surprised if the passenger pretended to be sick just to get off the plane first. Ironically, there was a “medical emergency” on the way out to San Diego too, and I use the “quotes” because it turned out that guy was hung over and just passed out from being dehydrated. What scared me most, however, was my reaction both emergencies: My first thought was, “Oh, great. Now we are going to have to land at the nearest airport and be delayed for hours.”

My lack of compassion at times can be frightening, but I think it might be a New York thing more than anything else. Take our morning traffic reports, for instance. If there is a traffic accident involving the loss of human life the event is often described in terms of how long a delay might result. “A man was killed in a car accident this morning on the LIE,” the newscaster will report. “Officials expect the morning rush to be backed up for hours.” It’s never, “A man was killed on the LIE this morning. His family is devastated and his co-workers wonder how they will manage to go on.”

My trip had one other unexpected treat. For some unknown reason about two dozen members of a local high school dance drill team had to fly from California to New York. Overnight. Together. Some of them for the first time. As the plane taxied into position for take off one of the female team members called to the others, “I love you all.” And they all chimed back, “I love you, too.”

Now, I consider myself a fairly tolerant fellow but such cheerfulness has no place on an airliner, particularly one that is going to be flying through the night. In fact, the thought occurs to me that there should be some rules specific to overnight flying.

- No cheerful people. Cheerful people like to talk, often in bubbly, excited terms. That’s okay for most of the time but can be detrimental to anyone trying to get some sleep.
- No sick people. Under my rules, the person sitting behind me would have been stopped at security under the “American Right To Travel From Here to There Without Catching Your Disease” Act.
- No one under the age of 21. Young people are not accustomed to the rigors of sleeping somewhere other than one’s bed and as a result they tend to get cranky and require noise-generating attention.
- No one over the age of 65. Older folks are not accustomed to the rigors of sleeping somewhere other than one’s bed and as a result they tend to get cranky and require noise-generating attention.
- No one with a bladder the size of a pea. If I had a nickel for every time somebody bumped my arm (and woke me up) on their way to the bathroom I would have flown for free.

So now it’s Friday and I am still trying to recover, but I was able to get things done on Wednesday and Thursday that I would not have been able to do if I had waited to Wednesday to leave San Diego. Now comes the hard part – filing the expense report and trying to track exactly how many dimes I parted with. That could keep me up all night.

Thank you for reading this column.
[2006-03-31]

Long Island University and College Residency Requirements

Jeroice from Portland, Oregon writes, "I was wondering how long do you have to live in Long Island before you can be considered for residency?"

Answer: Based on the fact that you are writing from a U.S. State (as opposed to out of the country) I believe you are asking this question for the purpose of qualifying for resident discounts on tuition at a Long Island School, University or college or trying to qualify for a scholarshp.

Long Island is part of and governed by New York State. So this question would fall under New York education law. Out-of-State residents attending schools within the State University of New York(SUNY Schools) are charged a higher rate of tuition than State residents. Other universities may offer discounts to NYS residents and have varying requirements for resident status to qualify for this discount. Generally, the term is one year to qualify for residency. Colleges and Universities provide forms and information detailing their specific requirements and may request documentation as proof of residency, i.e . driver's license, certificate of residency, utility bills, etc.

I recommend that you request information from the specific schools where you are applying for details as they may differ for each school.

For more information about New York State University (SUNY) schools, go to: http://www.suny.edu
For information on residency status information for non-US citizens, go to: http://www.ny.gov/

What is a Reverse Mortgage?

BY FRANK MILLER

The first thing you need to do in order to understand the Reverse Mortgage, is to “throw away” everything you “thought you knew” about mortgages! While a Reverse Mortgage is a lien against your home like any other mortgage, that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

· A Reverse Mortgage is a special, Government sponsored program designed specifically for homeowners over the age of 62. Unlike a traditional mortgage, there are no monthly payments to make. There are also no credit or income checks required to qualify for the mortgage. This can be an important factor for seniors with less than sterling credit or for those living on reduced retirement incomes.

· Rates for Reverse Mortgages are set by our favorite Uncle (Sam). Because of this, “shopping for rates” between different brokers becomes a non-issue. Regardless of who you use to obtain your mortgage, your rates will be the same. This allows you to use the broker or bank that you feel most comfortable with – not the one who simply offers you the “best rate.”

· Under a traditional mortgage the monthly payments pay for the interest and most often, pay off principal on the loan, thereby reducing the amount of the mortgage. With the Reverse Mortgage the amount of cash you receive, together with the interest and other charges, are added to the loan balance. This balance however, never has to be re-paid until you move out of your home. (You do have to keep your taxes and insurance current and you are required to maintain the home.)

· A Reverse Mortgage is a non-recourse loan. This means that no assets other than your home can be attached to pay off the mortgage. This, combined with the fact that the mortgage amount can never exceed the value of your home (regardless of what it could conceivably grow to), provides perhaps the most attractive benefit of these mortgages.

Should the value of the mortgage be less than that of your home, either you or your estate receive the difference when you leave or pass away. Taken together, these features offer what could be considered a “Win-Win” situation.

Your mortgage balance becomes due when you sell the home, when you vacate it for more than 12 months, or when the last surviving senior homeowner passes away. On sale, it is satisfied at closing, as would be any other mortgage. Your heirs will have the option of paying off the amount due and keeping the home, or of simply selling the home.

----------

Frank Miller: Reverse Mortgage Specialist With almost 20 years in Securities and Financial Planning, Frank is passionate about Reverse Mortgages for seniors. He views the Reverse Mortgage as a serious Financial Planning tool that can aid in many aspects of financial planning, making positive changes in the senior lifestyle.

Seniors or organizations interested in learning more about the reverse mortgage option, can benefit greatly from Frank’s broad financial background and experience. He can be contacted at 631-312-3569 or in the office at 866-937-3837.

It's Not TV - It's Repetitive Crap

BY MICHAEL WATT

I used to think being New York State’s Lieutenant Governor was the easiest job in the world. Go ahead – try to name the second in command for the Empire State. I’ll give you a hint: It’s not Betsy McCaughy Ross. My guess is it’s Malcolm Wilson, as played by Tim Matheson.

Then I subscribed to HBO. Now I am convinced the easiest job in the world is the head of programming for HBO – or whatever title you give to the person who decides what to show on that channel.

Here’s what I imagine that person’s workload entails. He or she sits down at a computer and writes:

Sunday night: “The Sopranos.”
Monday night: “Dodgeball”
Tuesday night: “Dodgeball”
Wednesday night: “The Sopranos” “encore episode.”
Thursday night: “Six Feet Under”
Friday night: “Dodgeball”
Saturday night: “Fletch Lives.” Then boxing.

Next week: Substitute Tuesday’s “Dodgeball” with repeats of “Deadwood.”

Then he or she goes home.

Now what I know about television programming could fit inside Gary Coleman’s shoes. I do know what I see - or in the case of HBO what I don’t see. And I don’t see a whole lot other than the programming mentioned above and a series of stupid movies I wouldn’t rent from Blockbuster if there was nothing else on the shelf and I left the dog in the car with the engine running.

So why subscribe, you ask? Good question. I got through most of my 46 years without paying for cable, much less HBO. In the six years my wife, Sharon, and I lived in our apartment we got cable and HBO for free. I don’t know how or why, all I know is when I plugged the TV into the wall we had free cable and HBO. The only downside was every time there was a knock on the door we had to turn the TV off, just in case it was a door-to-door cable salesperson. Almost every night we had it I would say to Sharon, “Thank God we’re not paying for this. What a waste.”

When Sharon and I bought our home in 1993, however, I finally had to pay for cable out of my own pocket, which I did so grudgingly. I refused to spring for HBO, however.

Then along came “The Sopranos.” The first season the show debuted I heard dozens if not hundreds of people talking about the episodes, and of course the reviews were mostly laudatory.I made it through most of the season without succumbing to the temptation of subscribing but finally broke down and signed up just in time to see the final episode of the first season, where Uncle Junior sang for about 15 minutes. “What the hell is this,” I remember thinking, and un-subscribed just as quickly as I subscribed.

Over the next couple of years Sharon and I would cover our ears when others spoke of “The Sopranos” while the episodes were being broadcast because we decided to wait until the season came out on DVD. It was hard, to be sure, to hear tales of vanquished villains with their heads in bowling ball bags, but not so hard that we would part with an additional $12.95 a month to see the episodes in real time. Once the season came out on DVD, however, we would race to the video store and gorge ourselves on not one, not two but sometimes three episodes in a row on a Saturday night.

(This is not a practice I would recommend, by the way. Three consecutive hours of the Boys from the Bada Bing is the TV-watching equivalent of eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at one sitting. It just overwhelms the system).

When they announced that this would be the last season for “The Sopranos,” however, I decided to spring for the HBO so we could watch the episodes right away. Talk about living the dream: We were going to be a part of High Society, freely conversing with all the other La-Di-Das who got to see “The Sopranos” as they were broadcast.

As much as we enjoy “The Sopranos” (Sunday’s episode notwithstanding) however, I still am amazed at the constant repetition of movies and shows I have no desire to see. It’s as if HBO is your buddy’s house where he only has a couple of DVDs. After a couple of days you don’t want to go there anymore to watch TV.

And yet HBO has made millions of dollars over the years. It’s something I have never understood. I should have known from the start, however. When my parents first subscribed to cable in the mid-1970s, for instance, HBO showed a movie called “Report To The Commissioner” like it was the Yule Log on Channel 11. The summer of 1983 it replayed the movie “Eddie and the Cruisers” to the point where a nation of young people were hypnotized into buying music made by something called John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band.

As my friend Darragh is bound to point out, nobody says I have to watch it. And I don’t. But there have been thousands if not millions of movies made over the years. Do we really need to watch the same ones over and over again? I sure get peeved when I think about paying for something that really should be a lot better. Maybe I ought to write a letter to my lieutenant governor.

Thank you for reading this column.
[2006-03-24]

Spring is Here...Hike Long Island!

Connetquot State Park and Preserve, photo by Alida

Early spring, with longer days and warmer temperatures has many a Long Islander seeking fresh air and outdoor activities.
Did you know that the Long Island Greenbelt Trail Conference offers guided and independent hikes throughout Long Island’s Pine Barrens, State Parks and local Preserves?
The Greenbelt Conference, non-profit and volunteer supported, builds and maintains hiking trails throughout Nassau and Suffolk Counties.
Ever wonder what our native Long Island must have looked like, before suburban development?
Many of these hikes are through pristine and undeveloped sections of our Island.
Contact the Greenbelt for information regarding this personally enriching outdoor experience.

Click here for more information about Greenbelt.
For the March schedule of guided hikes, click here.
For other information about hiking Long Island, click here.
See you on the trails! Alida

Kermit wasn’t kidding

BY MICHAEL WATT

Kermit the Frog once opined that “it ain’t easy being green,” or something to that effect. Never were those words more true on this, the dumbest of all holidays: St. Patrick’s Day.
Green beer. Green bagels. Green plastic hats with cheap rubber bands to hold them in place. Green sweaters dragged out of the closet for their once-a-year appearance. Green signs saying, “Erin Go Bragh,” even though nobody knows who Erin was or what Bragh is. Someone, somewhere, at some point today will make the joke, “too bad Erin doesn’t go bra-less,” and everybody will laugh, except for those unfortunate souls named Erin.

The only thing worse than all this nonsense are the whiny opinion pieces suggesting that St. Patrick’s Day would be better spent if the nation as a whole celebrated true Irish Culture and hosted poetry readings and song and dance recitals. That ain’t going to happen, of course, and even if it did I wouldn’t go.

The fact is I enjoy a party as much as the next person and, truth be told, I have had my fair share of fun on St. Patrick’s Day. There were the two St. Patrick’s Day (1982 and 1983), for instance, where I got to experience the day as a recent college grad working in Manhattan. In 1982 my friend Larry and I hooked up with a busload of our former fellow University of Scrantonites who were in New York City for the day. One of them, a walking talking Irish stereotype named Brendan who had a mop of flaming red hair and cream-cheese-white skin flecked with freckles, assured Larry and me that he “discovered” this great bar along the parade route where we would get the best Irish food and drink. We met him at the appointed intersection and he directed us toward a Blarney Stone that was on one of the corners.
Larry and I laughed our “been out of college almost a whole year and therefore much wiser to the ways of the world” Irish butts off at his college-student naiveté. Saying you “discovered” a Blarney Stone in Manhattan in those days would be like saying you “discovered” a McDonald’s in a food court in a shopping mall, and is just as rewarding from a culinary and quaffing point of view. Nonetheless, we parked ourselves at the corner of the bar and spent the better part of the day right there, with the rest of our former classmates. If memory serves, when it was time for the bus to go back to Scranton it was all they could do to get me off the vehicle. I was a little boy trying to crawl back into the womb of college living.

Things were definitely much more sporting the following year, 1983. Forsaking my Scranton compadres for newly-minted New York friends, I found myself in a party in a loft apartment somewhere in Manhattan. To this day if you put a gun to my head and said, “Take us to where this party was,” I would not even know which direction to head in, other than remembering it was south of 34th Street (oh yeah, that narrows it down). The party was hosted by “somebody somebody knew,” and it was wall-to-wall sweaty drunk people. But it was in a loft in Manhattan and therefore cooler than any party I had ever been to, before or since. I don’t know how we got in. I do know that we showed up empty handed.

At least I did not make a complete ass of myself at the party, as far as I can remember.
I can’t say as much for my St. Patrick’s Day performance a few years prior, 1978 in fact. During the spring semester of my freshman year at the aforementioned University of Scranton I decided to give up drinking for Lent, neglecting to consult a calendar and therefore realize that St. Patty’s Day fell on the weekend just prior to Easter. I was dry for a month or so leading up to the day, a very, very long stretch if I recall. So despite my desire to abstain – or perhaps because of same - I was quite eager to participate when someone in my social circle suggested that the lot of us head to Binghamton – where the drinking age was 18 at the time - to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

We went to this place called “The Downtown,” I think. It was an abandoned warehouse that was converted into a nightclub because, quite frankly, there is not a whole lot you can do with abandoned buildings in Binghamton. Not only did I fall off the wagon that night, I fell off and rolled around as if I were tossed out of a speeding Astin-Martin by James Bond himself and went rolling down an embankment. At some point I staggered back to my friend’s car and decided to sleep it off in the back seat. Of course I neglected to tell anyone this, leaving my friends to form a drunken search posse of sorts. Most of the guys were perturbed that they spent so much of their big night out looking for me – especially when I was in the car the whole time – but one of the savvier posse members used my milk-carton status as pick-up line. “Have you seen my friend?” he would ask the more attractive female members of the crowd. “He’s about six-four, 180 pounds and has enough acne on his face to pass for a war-room map.” Somehow this worked – my friend said he made the acquaintance of a number of young lovelies, all of whom were quite touched by his concern (and, apparently, oblivious to the fact that he was so “concerned” that he took the time to conduct extended conversations with total strangers while I was still “missing.”)

We made it back to Scranton in one piece, although you might say I woke up green with guilt for not making it through the Lenten season sans alcohol. The only consolation, I suppose – given my drunken condition the night before – is the fact that I did not wake up next to Miss Piggy.
Thank you for reading this column.
[2006-03-17]

The Fire Island Lighthouse

When was the last time you made a visit to the

Fire Island Lighthouse?

Do you know that they have winter hours and special events?
There will be a special event on Saturday, March 18th. Have tea with the first lady of the lighthouse, Marilyn Mahler.

She and her husband were stationed at Fire Island Light Station from 1948 until 1954.

Marilyn will tell stories of life on the barrier beach and about her experiences with raising her family at the lighthouse.
Date: Saturday, March 18, 2006 at 10 AM
Fee: $10.00 per person
Reservations: Required 631-661-4876

For more information about the tea, click here.

Why not visit soon and enjoy one of the most beautiful spots on the south shore?

Do you need more information?

Click here for the official Fire Island Lighthouse website.

The Antioxidant Life

BY MICHAEL WATT

Antioxidants are the new black.

At least it would seem that way. You can’t swing a toxic substance in the supermarket without hitting some product that promises to rid you of every horrible thing in your body, with the possible exception of that worm at the bottom of the Tequila bottle you were introduced to freshman year in college. From the Green Tea to the blueberries to the red kidney beans, seemingly everything on the shelves is designed to expunge deadly toxins that are clearly the cause of every bad thing that has happened since the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped.

It didn’t used to be that way. We used to be proud of the toxins we consumed, bragged about them like some badge of honor. I have a friend, for instance, who says he has a picture of his mother when she was pregnant with him. She has a lit butt in one hand and a tumbler of Scotch in the other. If she did that today she would be brought up on charges. Even our daily existence was toxin-oriented. There was a time when the ideal breakfast was slices of bacon flanking fried eggs, pieces of white-bread toast slathered in real butter, washed down with a cup of strong coffee (made slightly more palatable with a splash of Half & Half). If you invited people over to your house or to a catered affair you made sure you put plenty of ashtrays about to accommodate the smokers in the crowd. Some people even put out bowls of cigarettes.

I know I used to be the Toxin King of Long Island. When my older brother and I were kids and hit the beach with our parents, for instance, we’d sneak off to the concession stand and help ourselves to the packets of sugar that were there for the coffee drinkers. Packets in hand we would then take off as if we had just committed the Crime of the Century and pour the White Powder into our mouths. What a glorious high. Of course this may explain why my teeth have more fillings than the back room of a Dunkin’ Donuts and also why to this day I can consume a bag of jelly beans in one sitting.

But I don’t, not anymore. Now I drink Green tea. Decaf Green tea. My favorite soup is Lentil because, well, let’s just say if you have Lentil soup for lunch you best not have anything important planned for the afternoon. When I read a menu in a restaurant the words “dark, leafy lettuce” cause my heart to pound the same way “I never believed the letters in your magazine until this one night when…” used to back in the day. I can’t help but think that if somebody told me dirt was full of antioxidants I’d probably sprinkle it on my oatmeal in the morning.

I’m not sure why or when I became so obsessed with ridding my body of God knows what. I enjoyed my toxins as much as the next guy and on occasion reminisce about the good old days of chowing down a microwaved Bean Burrito from 7-11 after a night of imbibing and otherwise engaging in dance of the single peoples at a local pub while cloaked in the smog of cigarette smoke and barroom BS.

Even the bar scene isn’t the same anymore. The other night I was invited to consume a few pints with some other fine fellows from the neighborhood. The men comprise a group called the “Saint Mary's Men's Monthly Reading Club,” or SMMMRC – so named, I guess, because rare is the male who went through Catholic school without being told to “wipe that smirk off your face” by a well-meaning but clearly tortured Woman of the Cloth. It is not a Catholic group by any means – it is so named because they meet at Mary Carroll’s Pub – nor is there much reading involved, at least judging by the meeting I attended. A considerable amount of drinking takes place, however, as it should be.

What struck me as odd – besides the fact that it had literally been years since I spent a Friday night in a bar – was the lack of smoke in the air. All the smokers, God bless them, were forced outside to indulge their habit. In my toxin-consuming prime, on the other hand, if you spent any extended time in a crowded bar the next morning your clothes smelled like Morton Downey’s pillowcase. Now, of course, by law the only toxic substances allowed inside a bar are the alcohol served and the Barry Manilow songs on the jukebox.

Which brings us back to trying to explain the popularity of the antioxidants. I have a theory but it is somewhat paradoxical: We love them because we love our toxins even more. We know that if we don’t counteract every Pastrami Reuben with a three-bean salad eventually we’re either going to learn more about the concept of the compacted colon than anyone outside of the medical profession should ever know or die.

The benefit to dying, of course, is that we will never again have to worry about detoxifying. And our loved ones get to wear black, regardless of whether it’s old or new.

Thank you for reading this column.
[2006-03-10]

Winter in March on Long Island

It is March 10th and winter is coming to an end.

Most of us are looking forward to the warmer weather and longer days. On Long Island, this is a beautiful time of year.

We have four wonderful seasons on this beautiful island, and at this time the promise of spring and summer takes us through the last stages of winter and the cold.

The photo above is Sayville; a park near the bay.

The trees are bare and the air is cold. Yet, the sun feels warm against uncovered skin.

Long shadows are cast against the dormant grass fields. This is a favorite spot for most Sayville residents to walk, jog, ride a bike or just sit and enjoy the beauty of the Great South Bay.

There is always something to see. Birds are everywhere...not just seagulls, but ducks, grebs, coots, pigeons...just to name a few.
Occasionally, a boat or two will pass by. Whether it is a ferry or fishing boat, its sprint across the bay is fun to watch.

Today the sun is warm. We will enjoy the outdoors and wait for spring.

Where to go bowling on Long Island, New York

Wendy from New Hyde Park, NY asks, "Can you give me the names and addresses of bowling on Long Island?"

A very popular question asked by people looking for things to do. This list is pretty comprehensive covering Long Island bowling alleys in Nassau County and Suffolk County, New York.

Mr. Long Island The Humor Column Swimsuit Edition

BY MICHAEL WATT

Some of these columns are more fun to write than others.

Take this week, for instance. I knew I had my topic when I came home from work on Tuesday (Valentine’s Day) and saw a copy of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition sharing desk space in my office with the current issue of Forbes. The juxtaposition of the two magazines together created a situation where you have one publication featuring women I will never meet next to another about money I will never make. Oh well.
On the SI cover, right below the eight scantily-clad bathing beauties, was a Post-It note from my wife, Sharon. It read, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” indicating that Sharon has a rather interesting sense of humor. (An argument can be made that this fact was clearly established the day she agreed to marry me, but I digress).

Actually, my 15 year-old son Alex subscribes to Sports Illustrated and he lets me read it when he is done. Usually. Year in and year out, for some reason, the Swimsuit issue never makes it back downstairs from his room and this year no doubt will be no exception. Even by SI’s standards the issue seems racier than ever, which is why Sharon wanted me to take a look before Alex got his hands on it. She wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for Alex to be exposed to this sort of thing and she wanted me to weigh in with my opinion.

At first blush asking me to determine whether something is “too racy” is tantamount to asking Dean Martin if you’ve had too much to drink. It really boils down to Sharon not being all that thrilled about members of her gender parading around in little more than bathing suits made from the same materials used to make those little flags that flap in the breeze in used car lots. The idea that her little baby – all 6-foot-three of him – spends any amount of time ogling the paper pulchritude just adds to her consternation.

It goes without saying that I am far too hip to even participate in such a conversation. “Oh let the boy read his magazine,” I said to Sharon, but not until I gave the matter my undivided attention and a great deal of scrutiny, turning the magazine’s pages with the care and reverence usually associated with biblical scholars and the Dead Sea Scrolls. In my humble opinion if our biggest problem as parents is our teenage son perusing swimsuit models in a sports magazine than we are doing pretty good in the parenting department.

Ironically, it was my reaction to the magazine rather than my son’s that gave me cause for concern. For whatever reason – old age, maturity, you name it - the women featured in this year’s edition, beautiful as they are, did absolutely nothing for me. They seem about as real as the mannequins you see in the storefront windows.

Yvette and Yvonne Sylvander, on the other hand – they were real. So real the memory of their images on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue from 1976 – that’s right, 30 years ago – is still emblazoned in my brain like the sight of my first bicycle under the Christmas tree. Wholesome, healthy and frolicking in the sand just like any other perfectly matched pair of, uh, incredibly well-suited teenage girls having fun in the sun – that’s what I’m talking about. Call it mis-guided youthful optimism but those models conveyed a sense of attainability, even if only in my dreams.

A few years after the Sylvander twins Sports Illustrated featured Christie Brinkley, a strikingly beautiful woman if ever there was one. While Christie’s attractiveness clearly pushed her to the unattainable level, the fact is I did spend a short amount of time in the same room with her (see previous article One Score and A Super Model Ago) so that has to count for something.

But for my money the Queen of Real is and always will be Cheryl Tiegs. The infamous shot of her in the cotton, white fishnet bathing suit emerging from the water is just a drop in the bucket when it comes to discussing immortalized poses struck by the long-legged and lovely Ms. Tiegs. Diligent soul that I am I took it upon myself to call upon the resources of the Internet to do a little research so I could re-visit the images that basically carried me through my teen years. The poster shot of her in a pink bikini with her thumb hooked through the strap on her right hip, for instance, covered more bedroom walls of adolescent males across the nation than a factory of Benjamin Moore paint. I think I actually went steady with the shot of her on the cover of Time magazine in March of 1978, the one where she sports a red one-piece bathing suit.

I must admit I had a great deal of fun “researching” this week’s column. Seeing the shots of Cheryl stirred feelings I had long since forgotten, for instance, and re-visiting the Sylvander twins took me right back to my bedroom in my parents’ house, tacking that SI cover to the wall and then staring at it for hours on end, wishing I could mentally will the women to come alive so they could frolic right there with me.

Like I said, some columns are more fun to write than others.

Thank you for reading this column.

Long Island Kids

By popular demand we have created the
I LOVE LONG ISLAND KIDS’ LINE

Featuring the Official I Love Long Island
logo with a personal message for loved ones...
Mommy, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa!

Check out the new kids’ line and plenty of gift
ideas for Valentine’s Day at the
I LOVE LONG ISLAND NY STORE

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$5 Off $50 or more, use coupon code: CUPID5
$10 Off $100 or more, use coupon code: CUPID10
Coupon offers valid through Feb. 14, 2006

Interested in custom or quantity orders?
We can customize / co-brand our items for
Long Island events, corporate, charity, schools,
fundraisers, golf outings, party favors, wedding gifts
and more! See store for details…
I LOVE LONG ISLAND NY STORE

Lessons of the Filing Cabinet

Last night I decided to finally clean out my filing cabinet. It’s something I usually do at the end of each year, pulling out the files that can be boxed up and stored in the garage and starting fresh files for the new year. Not everything gets pulled; only the files that need to be refreshed yearly. Since it is already February, this obviously was not a task that I felt would bring much pleasure! And turns out, I was wrong.

I came across a file titled “Articles” and pulled it out to look through it. I knew it was in there and since it was not very full, I never paid much attention to it. Even though I encourage clients not to have such a file, I was O.K. with mine because it was not bursting at the seams. (note: I still discourage this type of file because people with organizing issues generally tend to overstuff it.)

Going through the contents of folder was an eye opening experience. First of all, how old some of the articles were. Some were easily ten years old. Obviously those hit the trash because the subject matter, even if it still held interest, was definitely outdated. Actually, everything in the folder ended up in the trash because it either held no interest for me or was information that was outdated or could easily be found on the internet.

The thing I found most surprising was the items I came across that I could not figure out why I had put them in there. Subject matters that I could not understand why I would keep. Subjects that had no relevance in my life today, nor did I think they did five or more years ago. There were photos that were clearly for decorating ideas yet I could not identify which photo had held interest for me when I put it in there. Clearly my tastes have changed over the years to the point that I could not even recognize my previous taste!

It actually was a fun thing to do, since most of the things I saw I asked myself, “What in the world did I put this in here for?” It’s amazing how life and time changes our views, interests, tastes, priorities, choices, decisions, etc. It was refreshing to know that I have been evolving and growing over these years and that makes me feel good.

I guess the best lesson I can pass on by the experience I had with my Articles folder is that we are ever changing. I work with so many people who struggle with giving or throwing things away. Things that were from a time when there were a different person. Think of who you are today. What interests you now? Who have you become? How have you changed? It is always good to remember who you were and where you came from and it is good to see how much you have grown and how some material things from the past do not hold much water for you today.

But I can almost guarantee that the clutter in your life is not representative of who you want to be now and where you want to go in your future. When you get rid of the burden of clutter, it opens up room for new things to come. And I don’t necessarily mean more material things. Freeing your space also frees your mind and your spirit. Be excited about new things to come and being able to let go of things you no longer need, use or love. You don’t have to say goodbye to who you were; that will never change. But making more room for growth and who you will be in the future is very freeing.

35 Time Management Tips

1. Allow extra time for activities and projects to accommodate unexpected delays.
2. Catch up on your reading while you wait for appointments. Audio books are a great way to make use of your time while driving to work.
3. Copy your car and house keys and keep duplicates with trusted people, in case you get locked out of your house or car.
4. Designate a place for your keys, wallet and items you use daily so you will not have to look for them when you are ready to leave the house.
5. Establish routines and check lists
6. Get the children off to school more quickly by preparing as much as possible the night before: choosing outfits, deciding what they want to eat for breakfast or lunch, determining what they need for school.
7. Group activities together. Save time by making all of your outgoing telephone calls together, taking care of all your errands at once, etc.
8. Keep driving directions in your computer. Not only directions to your home to give to friends but also of places you have been so you will not need to ask for directions again.
9. Mark pantyhose that can only be worn under pants so you don’t have to search for “good” pairs while getting dressed.
10. Plan telephone calls (whether to doctors, plumbers, clients, etc.) whenever possible. Have all necessary materials in front of you. Write key questions down in advance.
11. Plan your meals before you write out your shopping list. It will save time because you will know exactly what you need.
12. Realize that you can't do everything. Delegate in the office and at home.
13. Write reminders in calendars for when cards or gifts need to be mailed or bought.
14. Use only one calendar. Keep personal, professional and family items on one calendar. It will help to eliminate scheduling conflicts.
15. Use your most productive time to do your most productive work. Alert in the morning? Afternoon? Tackle your most difficult, important work during the time of day when you're at your best and you're most likely to complete it.
16. Work on incoming mail at one specific time during the day. Junk mail goes into the garbage, items that need action go into your in box, and non-action items should be filed.
17. Put your clothes away after you take them off; do not let them pile up. It takes 30 seconds to hang up your clothing each day. If you let it pile up, chances are you are looking at a waste of ½ hour at the end of the week.
18. Keep all papers in one area of the home and use a filing cabinet for storing papers. This will prevent running around, looking for what you need. Avoid putting papers in odd locations like night tables or in kitchen drawers.
19. Keep all instruction manuals and warranties in one area. An accordion file or binder with sheet protectors are two options for storage.
20. At the end of each day, have all family members go through the house for 15 minutes and put away their things.
21. Set up an area in the home where family members can put items that need to be repaired.
22. Keep like items together in medicine cabinets and make sure you get rid of any expired items on a regular basis.
23. If you need to get something done, avoid interruptions. No e-mail, no phone calls, no conversations.
24. Any time you think of something that you need to do, write it down. Do not interrupt what you are doing to go on to the idea that comes to mind. Also, don’t rely on your memory. What gets written gets done.
25. Keep a To Do list in a notebook or on your computer. Also keep a list of errands you need to run. Keep the list with you so if you find you have some time on your hands between appointments, you will have something to fill the void.
26. Keep a master grocery list of items you regularly use. Hang the list on the refrigerator and check off items as you run out of them. Keep this list in your computer so you can easily add things and print copies.
27. Each evening take some time to plan out the next day. Also think what you might want to wear the next day so you have an idea in mind and are not rushing to figure out what to wear.
28. When planning a vacation, get an idea of activities you will be doing and what clothing you will need to bring for each activity.
29. Know when you are overextending yourself. We all try to get as much packed into each day as possible but in the long run, this is not a healthy way to live. If you feel overloaded, think of what things you can take off of your schedule to make life less stressful.
30. Try living in the moment. Give up multi tasking and really focus on each thing you are doing. You will find it reduces stress and makes you more mindful.
31. When you are getting ready in the morning avoid distractions such as e-mail, computer or anything else that might grab your attention. Stay focused on what you are trying to accomplish and keep your eye on the clock.
32. If you work out, try to fit it into your morning routine. This way it is done and you do not have to worry about fitting in exercise at the end of the day when you are more tired.
33. Not sure where you are wasting time? Keep a time log for a week to assess your use of time.
34. Pay bills on line or have bills automatically deducted from your checking account. If you have a credit card that gives you rewards, have all bills paid by that credit card to increase your rewards.
35. Limit your time watching television. Consider recording shows you enjoy and watch them when you have more time on the weekend or on days off.

Long Island Podcast Network Now has 8 Different Shows

This is interesting, because 2 weeks ago, the Long Island Podcast Network at http://www.lipodcastnetwork.com had only one type of show: a music show where we would play unsigned bands from Nassau and Suffolk counties.

Now, we have 7 new shows with 2 more planned from Spring 2006:
1. Sports Podcast with Paul Little from Brentwood
2. Comedy Podcast with stand up comedian Billy Bingo from Bohemia
3. Health Podcast with Dr Sollazzo from Smithtown
4. Fourplay Radio Show with Steve Strangio from Suffolk
5. American Idol Season 5 Audition Recap with Bruce Chambers
6. 24 Recap
7. Long Island Restaurant Reviews with Suffolk Dawn from Huntington

We have a Long Island real estate podcast starting with Joyce Coletti from Long Beach.

Check out the web site for all new podcast shows. We are always looking to produce new shows and for new podcast show hosts. The LI Podcast Network now has close to 6,000 subscribers.

Tax Free Shopping Week for Suffolk County, NY

List of Shopping Malls on Long Island

Tax free shopping week in Suffolk includes no state or local sales tax on all purchases of clothing and footwear under $110. Tax free week runs from January 30-Feb 5, 2006, so grab your wallet and go shopping on Long Island!

Shopping Malls in Suffolk County New York

Walt Whitman Mall
160 Walt Whitman Road
Huntington Station, NY 11746
631-271-1741
Walt Whitman Mall

Smith Haven Mall
313 Smith Haven Mall
Lake Grove, NY 11755
631-724-1433
Smith Haven Mall

The Outlets at Bellport
10 Farber Drive
Bellport, NY 11713
631-286-3872

Tanger Outlets
I-495 East, L.I.E., Exit 72 or 73
1770 West Main Street
Riverhead, NY 11901
631-369-2732 / 1-800-407-4894
Tanger Outlets

Tanger Outlet Mall located in Riverhead, NY is a must stop if you are heading out east on Long Island. This mega shopping center features over 165 brand name manufacturers and designer outlet stores.

Unfortunately tax free week applies to Suffolk County only, but in case the tax free incentive in Suffolk gives you the urge to splurge, here are some shopping malls in
Nassau County...

Shopping Malls in Nassau County New York

Roosevelt Field Shopping Mall
Old Country Road and Meadowbrook Parkway
Garden City, NY 11530
516-742-8000
Roosevelt Field Shopping Center

Roosevelt Field Shopping Mall is a Simon property located at the intersection of Old Country Road and Meadowbrook Parkway in Garden City, NY. Featured stores include Banana Republic, Gap, Macy's, Modells, Foot Locker, JC Penney, Brookstone, Victoria's Secrets, Williams-Sonoma and Zales to name a few. There is also plenty to eat in the food court and a multiplex movie theater on hand just in case you need to take a break from shopping.

Broadway Mall
358 B. Broadway Mall
Hicksville, New York 11801
516-939-0679
Broadway Mall

Sunrise Mall
One Sunrise Mall
Massapequa NY 11758
516-795-3550
Sunrise Mall

The Mall at the Source
1504 Old Country Road
Westbury, NY 11590
516-228-0303
The Mall at the Source

Green Acres Mall
2034 Green Acres Mall
Valley Stream, NY 11581
516-561-7360
Green Acres Shopping Mall

Green Acres Shopping Mall offers the traditional mall as well as a complex of surrounding mega stores including several brand names like Old Navy, Sears, BJ's Wholesale Club, The Avenue and WalMart. You also won't be able to resist the smell of Cinnabon's so you may have to start your diet tomorrow!

Americana Manhasset
2060 Northern Boulevard
Manhasset , NY 11030
516-627-2277
Americana Manhasset

An exclusive collections of top designer store lined up in a row on Northern Blvd in Manhasset is fondly referred to by shopaholics as Miracle Mile. The stretch of top names includes Louis Vuitton, Prada, Oscar de la Renta, Giorgio Armani, Ralph Lauren and more. Bring your Bijon and your credit cards!

HAPPY SHOPPING!

My Dinner With Rose

BY MICHAEL WATT

(Editor’s note: In the interest of maintaining my Oprah Winfrey Good Writing Seal of Approval, for the record I state up front and unequivocally that unless otherwise noted every word you read in my column is based on fact and therefore true. Hopefully the words will also be humorous, but at the very least when I say something happened, it happened.)

There are moments in one’s life when you just want to light a candle to the writing gods and thank them for giving you a humor column. Something happens and you just can’t believe how fortunate you are to have this forum for discussing your thoughts on the matter. It’s like owning an auto body shop and waking up to find Long Island in the grips of an unexpected ice storm during rush hour.

That’s how I felt when I read the news the other day that the Unholy Trinity of Trysts, Joey Amy and Mary Jo, is looking to re-unite and take its act on the road. Well, re-unite, anyway. Apparently they want “closure” on everything that happened and they want that closure to take place in the glare of the television spotlight that they used to scream was ruining their lives. My guess is that when they start to sweat under the heat of those spotlights they also want to be able to mop their brows with hundred dollar bills, but that’s just me. I’m sure closure is the be all and end all reason for this little get together.

Now, I could carp and rant about how these three helped bring about the downfall of society in that their little escapade is what led media executives across the nation to realize that “there’s gold in them thar scandals.” But I shant, primarily because unless you’re Lewis Black or the late Sam Kinison rare is the carp and rant that proves humorous. No, I choose to share a story with you related to this whole sordid affair, one that involves not one of the three main players but rather Amy’s mom, a nice woman named Rose.

Rose, you see, was the interior decorator for one of my previous employers before all this silliness – and Mary Jo - went down. My employer at the time invited my wife, Sharon, and I out to dinner with his wife. We were going to see an entertainer whose career my boss was trying to support perform at a restaurant in Queens. My instructions were to meet my boss and his wife at the place where we worked, in Valley Stream, and that we would then follow him to the restaurant in Queens.

Well, Sharon and I pull up to the building in Valley Stream and my boss and his wife are already in their car, waiting for us. He signals to me to follow him, which I do. As his car pulls away from the curb, however, Sharon sees a smallish woman in the back seat and, rather perceptively, notices that she bears a striking resemblance to the aforementioned Rose Fisher. This is taking place at the height of the scandal, mind you, so Sharon turns to me and asks, “Why in God’s name is Rose Fisher in the back seat of your boss’ car?”

I knew about the interior decorating relationship, of course, but I had no idea that she was joining us for dinner. During our journey into Queens Sharon and I bandied about matters that we should not bring up while in the company of Mrs. Fisher. Typical topics of conversation - the problems associated with raising children in today’s society; too many guns; too much violence; teenagers; love, unrequited and otherwise; the difficulties we all face in finding a good auto body mechanic – they were tossed into the taboo pile. We decided to play it safe and just say as little as possible.

Eventually we turned down the street where the restaurant was and as we followed my boss’ car into the valet parking Sharon and I simultaneously saw the sign over the restaurant door and realized - to our collective horror - that the name of the establishment was “Joey’s Place.” This did not bode well for the rest of the evening.

We stuck to our game plan and for the most part got through the dinner unscathed. During dessert, however, the topic turned to college educations, as both Mrs. Fisher and my boss’ wife had just recently started taking classes at Nassau Community College. One of them, I am not sure who, said she enjoyed taking the classes because by doing so she felt smarter because she knew more about what was going on in the world around her. That’s when the topic filter in my head shut down, like a sump pump in the middle of a flood.

I thought about the time while in my late teens that I was listening with one of my brothers to a popular band from the late 1970s. During one of the songs the singer made a reference to a famous piece of literature. My brother asked me about that reference and since I was able to explain it to him because I had read that piece of literature in college I felt smart.

As is my wont I started to share this little vignette with my dinner companions but about halfway through a chill went down my spine. “Omigod,” I thought. “How am I going to get out of this one?” The song, you see, was “Don’t Stand So Close To Me,” by “The Police.” The lyrics that stirred my brother’s curiosity were:

“He sees her
He starts to shake and cough,
Just like that,
Old man in,
That book by Nabokov.”

“That book,” of course, was “Lolita,” and here I am telling this story to the mother of the “Long Island Lolita.” I pretended not to be able to remember the rest of the story, which surprised Sharon because while I can never remember to take out the garbage I am able to remember the tiniest minutiae from things that happened years ago. She asked me about it when we got in the car and once I explained it she laughed. We both agreed that even by my standards – and I am a guy who would be very wealthy today if there was any money in putting one’s foot in one’s mouth – the odds of such an esoteric reference creating a problem were pretty astronomical.

Come to think of it, the odds are right up there with the odds that a woman who took a gun shot to the face at the hands of her husband’s teenage lover would want to “re-unite” with her assailant for profit and prizes some 14 years later.

Thank you for reading this column. [2006-01-26]

Pink Floyd Concert in Patchogue

Patti writes, "Hi, is there going to be a Pink Floyd concert this February in Patchogue? Any details would be appreciated?"

Yes, the Pink Floyd Concert is scheduled at the Patchogue Theatre on Feb 11, 2006. Here's the details... Presenting the music of Pink Floyd like you've never seen it before, surrounded by 10,000 watts of concert quality sound! Colorful lasers and lighting effects parallel the sonic journey as the senses are confronted with an array of glowing visual displays on three large video screens, choreographed to the music of Pink Floyd.
TICKET PRICES: $30.50 / $27.50 / 23.50

For a list of upcoming Long Island Concerts, visit the LI Events Calendar.
List of Theaters and Performing Arts centers on Long Island NY, visit the Long Island Theatres page.

Podcasting officially comes to Long Island

As fast as the technology changes, it seems like there is a new device or "toy" that becomes a fad or a permanent fixture in the hearts of entertainment buffs around the island. CD Players, cassette decks, DVD players, and yes, even the 8-track tape have made their marks. However, if you take over 475 CDs and try to shove them all in your pants pocket, what would you look like walking down the street? How comfortable would you be? You would not look too good or feel very confortable. However, take the 5,000 songs from all 475 of those CDs and put them into one Apple ipod. Put that ipod into your pocket and now you look like any normal person, but you have over the equivalent of those 475 CDs in that little box. Plug in your earphones and go. To me, that has to be one of the best benefits of apple ipods.

The real beauty of the ipod is that it has become a cousin to the television or the radio. I say that because since TV or radio programs get broadcasted, the ipod gets "podcasted". Podcasts are simply shows consisting of any topic including talk, music, sports, travel tips, world news, etc that people can download to their ipod and go anywhere that ipod will go. Podcasts, like web sites, come in all flavors, topics, and information.

As web sites created the way for people to express themselves, so do podcasts as they can be provided in audio or video form.

There a few podcasts in Long Island, but the Long Island Podcast Network was started as a music program to give unsigned bands from Long Island a chance to get their music out to the public without waiting for a record deal to come their way. The Long Island Podcast Network is striving to do for bands like The X's from Hicksville, Sigh from Brentwood, and The Mondays from Hauppauge just what TV and the music industry have done for Billy Joel, Jerry Seinfeld, Blue Oyster Cult, Cyndi Lauper, Fran Drescher, Pat Benetar, and Ray Romano.

Although it took the success of the Apple ipod to make podcasting a success, is not limited to ipods. Podcasted shows can be enjoyed from any portable MP3 player and also home computers with high speed broadband connections. All people need to do to listen to a podcast show is stream the MP3 by clicking on the hyperlink from their computers. Or, they can listen to all of them by subscribing.

The Long Island Podcast Network at http://www.LiPodcastNetwork.com puts out a new show every Sunday of bands and musicians from Long Island, but will be moving to a 3 show schedule in April. Other shows of the network will be a sports podcast, a coupon podcast, and we even received an idea from a Suffolk county real estate agent who would review homes being listed on the housing market. We are even planning an idea to podcast restaurant reviews on the island. The Long Island Podcast Network is always looking for new shows to develop and people to host them.

In conclusion, I just want to say that podcasts will follow the same road that web sites took. They are here to stay, but people will need to sift through the effective podcasts and differentiate them from others. Just as there are some web sites that may not be serious, podcasts will do the same. The market is wide open for people to voice their opinions on whatever subjects they feel and the Long Island Podcast Network at http://www.LiPodcastNetwork.com can make that possible for anybody in Long Island who would like to host their own show.

Jersey Shelter Closing, Animals to be Euthanized

The West Jersey Animal Shelter is closing at the end of this month. The Pennsauken, NJ shelter had it's license revoked due to unkept and dangerous conditions for the animals. There are currently 31 dogs and 5 cats on the premises that are in desperate need of adoption. If these animals are not adopted by the end of the month, they will be euthanized.

The West Jersey Animal Shelter is open for adoptions Monday through Friday from 11 a.m. until 4 p.m. and from 11 a.m. until 5 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Phone (856) 486-2180.

Here's a couple photos of dogs and cats awaiting adoption at the shelter.










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